I Want to See You
by A New Username
Summary: She's out of my reach, but I need her with me. I can't say no, even though I should. Everything she does is for him... but I can pretend, can't I? KyoSaya
1. Chapter 1: I Want to See You

I Want to See You

* * *

**Authors' Note:**

**Hey, all! This is new territory for me! I've never actually written in this archive before! Hopefully I can get some people to review this, positive or not! Try to be constructive, though.**

**Anyway, I'll warn you that this story's first part is mostly based on a doujin from my favorite KyouSaya artist, Momoya Chika. So, that means that the first part is a little angst-y, which should have been made obvious by the secondary genre of this fic.**

**Well, I don't have much else to say here, so I should probably stop talking and let you guys get on with reading, huh?**

**Have a good read!**

* * *

It hurts.

I knew that this day was coming. I knew that I should have just kicked her out so I could avoid being in such pain. But I couldn't, all because of one simple wish.

I wanted to see her.

I knew it the whole time… that she was in love with that guy. What's his name…? Kyousuke? Well, I guess it doesn't matter. She loves him, and there's no point getting jealous. After all, there's so much he can give her that I can't. So I have no choice but to smile sadly as I watch her leave.

I remember all those months ago, when she first started coming over.

* * *

_The fast food restaurant I sat in was nearly empty, as per the usual at the time of day I usually came there. Of course, this only made the food taste that much better. There wasn't anyone to distract me from my food, for one._

"_Hey, Kyouko!"_

I thought too soon…

_I looked to my side with a startled expression, which quickly turned into an annoyed look as I saw who stood not even a foot from me._

Sayaka.

"_I heard that you started living on your own!" she continued, her tone sounding slightly annoyed._

_I looked at her skeptically, unsure as to how she knew. "Huh? Well, yeah… but how do you know that?"_

_She replied so jubilantly, I just knew she wanted something. I had no idea what, though. "Madoka told me earlier today! Seriously though, don't be so cold! You should have talked to me about it."_

Why does she care?_ I remember thinking at the time. _And what would I tell her, anyway?

"_Hey, why don't you stay at my place?"_

_The words she said sounded simple enough, just like a kind, friendly gesture. I remembered when Madoka found out earlier that day. She tried to get me to stay at her place, but I declined, knowing that Homura would kill me if I did._

"_Nah, I'm fine," I remember telling her, a forced smile plastered on my face. "It's easier to be on my own."_

_My eyes were closed, and the toothy grin on my face looked convincing enough. I was sure she would drop the subject. Of course, I was wrong._

"_You know, my parents aren't around right now," I remember Sayaka saying, a weird look on her face. "Being in a large house all by myself… it's gonna be lonely."_

Dammit, stop giving me the guilt trip!_ I remember screaming in my head._

_I averted my eyes, trying as hard as I could to resist. Then, all of the sudden, I heard her gasp. I immediately looked over to her, expecting there to be something wrong. Instead, I was met with her face, not five inches away from my own. She had a happy look on her face, which only made me sick to my stomach as I tried to guess what she was planning._

"_Ah Ha!" she shouted, scaring the one other customer in the restaurant. "So you're already living there, right? On your own?"_

I have a bad feeling about this…

_I answered her honestly, though I knew I would probably regret it. "Yeah. It's been about two days, I guess."_

"_Can I come over?" she asked me, and I could tell that, for some reason, turning her down would have serious repercussions. "You don't mind, right? I can, right?"_

So that's what she was after! Pretty transparent, if you ask me.

_I averted my eyes from her shining aura of commanding-ness. Even without looking, I could feel it infecting me with the desire to let her do as she pleased. Eventually, I caved. "Fine…"_

* * *

Since then, she went to my house pretty much every day. She would always come and bring me meals, since she wouldn't let me eat 'junk' all the time. Every time she came, she brought something different.

Over time, my place gradually transformed from a home base where I could sleep into a place I could actually call home. We bought cooking utensils so that she could start cooking over here, making the place even more lively. Of course, I knew it wouldn't last.

Her cooking got better with every passing visit. She got better and better, and even though it made me happy, I knew exactly why she was doing it. It wasn't for me… it was for him. She wanted to practice cooking over at my place, all to have him eat it at some point. If you look at it that way, I'm nothing more than her test subject, a guinea pig for her to test out her cooking on.

On one of Mami's visits, I was confronted with something I knew was true, but didn't want to hear… not yet, anyway.

* * *

"_Miki-san sure has changed lately, huh?" Mami said absentmindedly, staring out my window with a contemplative look._

"_Y'think so?" I asked her, a skeptic look on my face. Even though I acted all innocent, I had a pretty good idea off what she was getting at._

"_Can't you tell, Kyouko?" Mami said gleefully, closing her eyes and preparing for a big speech. "Her eyes sine with the radiance of a maiden in love! She…"_

_I ignored the remainder of her speech, falling into a dark train of thought._ Is she an idiot? Mami knows how I feel, yet she still decided to say all this? What's up with her?

"_Kyouko? Are you okay?" Mami said, waving a hand in front of my face. I then realized that I had been spacing out for a good three minutes._

"_Y-yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry," I told her, before getting back to the topic at hand. "But I thought you all already knew that she liked this Kyousuke guy."_

"_Maybe so, but she's liked him for a while, and she's never been like this. Don't you think she looks prettier now?" Mami pointed out, looking at me with a weird smile._

"_She looks the same to me," I lied, causing Mami's smile to falter._

That's not what I really think. Sorry, Mami,_ I thought, looking down._ My love for Sayaka aside, she really _has_ become prettier. Even still, it's probably still for him.

* * *

Of course, I was right. About a day ago, I got a wakeup call, telling me it was time to get real.

* * *

"_Hey, idiot. Why the heck are you out this late? You're gonna catch a cold," I said, walking up to Sayaka and sitting down next to her._

"_You didn't have to come hear me out if you didn't want to, you know," Sayaka deadpanned._

"_Whatever," I retorted. "So, you're the one who called me out here at eleven at night. What did you want to talk about?"_

"_Oh, right!" she said. "You see, they say that Kyousuke is going to be released from the hospital soon."_

"_That all?" I asked her. I sounded colder than I would have liked, but at that point, I didn't care that much. "You called me here just to tell me that?"_

_I stood up abruptly, starting to walk away. I ignored her telling me to come back, to finish hearing what she had to say. I knew that if I stayed any longer, if I heard anything else from her, I wouldn't be able to hold back the tears that already threatened to spill from my eyes._

_When I got back to my apartment, I had mostly calmed down. I had eluded Sayaka, and I no longer felt like I was about to cry. Even so, I was emotionally exhausted. I slugged over to my bed in the next room, falling asleep almost as soon as I got under the covers._

* * *

When I woke up at around noon the next day, I wasn't surprised that she hadn't come. After all, she did have school on weekdays. She always came in the afternoons anyway, regardless of whether she had school or not.

Of course, my mind chose that time to remind me of the previous night's events.

_So, that guy is going to be released soon, eh? I guess that means that she'll stop coming when that happens. She'll have better things to do than spend time with me, a mere friend._

A few hours later, I hadn't gone out once, on the off chance that Sayaka _did_ skip, and that we would meet. I wasn't ready to talk with her. Even so, I still…

I still wanted to see her.

_School's probably over for her,_ I thought, staring absentmindedly out my bedroom window. It's not like she was coming, so there was no sense getting my hopes up—

It was then that I heard a knocking at my front door. The knock was all too familiar.

_It's Sayaka…_

I took a moment to calm myself, knowing that refusing to let her in would only worry her even more. When I felt composed, I walked out of my room, going to the front door and opening it.

"Hey…" Sayaka said as she stood there. Her voice sounded kind of sad, though for what reason, I wasn't sure. Even still, I decided to let her in.

"Come in," I said softly, moving aside to allow her entry.

It hurt. I couldn't tell her no. I couldn't tell her to leave, or that she wasn't welcome. I just couldn't say it.

When she went in, she made a beeline for the kitchen, undoubtedly wanting to fix me a meal to try to make up for the night before. I wasn't about to object, as I had been starving ever since I woke up that morning.

After about a minute of me standing in the doorway, I closed it, beginning to walk over to the kitchen to check on the meal. When I arrived…

"You know, Kyouko," Sayaka started, her voice perking up. "Kyousuke said he would give me a special violin performance once he gets out of the hospital."

"Good for you," I told her warmly, even though I could feel my heart shattering on the inside. "I'm sure it'll be great."

I walked past her, having almost completely lost my appetite.

"Why don't you come listen to it with me?" she asked me. It was pretty obvious that she was desperate to patch things up with me.

_But you're going about it the wrong way. Can't you see how much it hurts?_

I ignored her proposal, walking into the front room to where the dinner table was. When I had seated myself in my usual seat, I looked over to her, smiling sadly as I watched her cook. "Sayaka… one day, you'll make a great wife."

"Thanks, Kyouko," she replied. The way she said it, she sounded as if she was in pain.

_Why…? I'm the one who's hurting._

A few minutes later, Sayaka walked up to me, a plate of delicious-looking food in her hands. "Here ya go!" she said, handing the plate to me.

"Thanks," I told her, taking it and taking a bite with the fork she gave me.

_It's amazing… as always… too bad I won't get this for much longer._

"Hey, Kyouko," Sayaka said, looking at me with a smile. "Is it good?"

I looked into her eyes, seeing a reflection of myself. I was smiling… but I looked sad.

"It's great. I'm sure he'll love it."

* * *

**Authors' Note:**

**Yeah, that's a sad ending. A lot of you probably expected a better/happier ending, but I'll tell you this: there WILL be a second part to this story! It'll be told from Sayaka's perspective, so you'll get so see what **_**she**_** feels instead of only seeing Kyouko's view.**

**So yeah, I kind of left it to the imagination whether they're magical girls or not, huh? I was actually aiming for that.**

**Well, I guess that's all I have to say: One last thing before I go!**

**I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica!**

**Until we meet again!**


	2. Chapter 2: I Don't Understand You

I Want to See You

Chapter Two: I Don't Understand You

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**Authors' Note:**

**Man, I'm so sorry for taking so long! Please forgive me!**

**I won't give you any excuses, since I know most of you don't care. It's not like I have a good one anyway… I'm lazy sometimes, and that's that.**

**Anyway, I should probably tell you that this will be a bit more dialogue-focused at the beginning and end. Sorry! Oh, and sorry if I made any of the characters OOC. I'll be honest, I've never watched the anime. I've just read almost every doujin out on Dynasty Reader and Yuri-ism. Still, I'm bad at keeping characters' personalities the way they really are. Sorry for that.**

**Well, I guess that's about it! Have a good read!**

**See ya at the bottom!**

* * *

_"Thanks, Kyouko," she replied. The way she said it, she sounded as if she was in pain._

Why…? I'm the one who's hurting.

_A few minutes later, Sayaka walked up to me, a plate of delicious-looking food in her hands. "Here ya go!" she said, handing the plate to me._

_"Thanks," I told her, taking it and taking a bite with the fork she gave me._

It's amazing… as always… too bad I won't get this for much longer.

_"Hey, Kyouko," Sayaka said, looking at me with a smile. "Is it good?"_

_I looked into her eyes, seeing a reflection of myself. I was smiling… but I looked sad._

_"It's great. I'm sure he'll love it."_

* * *

Upon hearing her say those words, I felt my chest tighten, and a sharp pain pierced my heart. I felt as if I couldn't breathe, realizing that Kyouko had misunderstood me all this time.

_She didn't realize why… all this time, she never figured it out…_

"Sayaka?" I heard her say, her tone sounding very worried. "Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

I brought my hand to my face, feeling a warm wetness slowly making its way down my cheeks. I couldn't believe it. I was crying, even though she should have been even more hurt than I was. She was acting so strong, and I was being such a pansy. I closed my eyes in a vain attempt to stem the flow of my tears.

_She completely misunderstood my reason for doing all this,_ I thought, my mind becoming overwhelmed with guilt.

I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around me, making my eyes snap open wide. Kyouko was trying to console me, even though she thought… that her love was unrequited. She didn't push me away or kick me out for all this time, even though she must have thought I was doing all this for him the entire time.

I had known of Kyouko's feelings for me for a long time. At first, I didn't care, and even thought about using her feelings to my advantage. That was the original reason why I decided to cook for her, actually. I figured that I could have Kyouko eat my meals as I practiced so that I could one day give it to Kyousuke. However, after a while of cooking for her, seeing her smile at me gratefully, I started to feel horribly guilty.

So I resolved to make better food for her as an apology for using her for my personal gain. Naturally, I didn't tell her this. She didn't seem to notice, always acting cheery whenever I came over, just like she always did. It was about a month after I started that something happened… something I never in a million years thought would occur.

I was staying the night at Kyouko's house, having a very vivid dream. It involved Kyouko and me, and we were doing things I'm still embarrassed to even think about. When I woke up, I found that Kyouko was lying right next to me. Then, I found my attention drawn to her lips. They were slightly parted, showing her small fang. I could hear her breathing softly. Her lips looked so… inviting. I didn't think. I _couldn't_ think.

I leaned my head in, all inhibitions out the window. My tired mind refused to let me stop and think of the repercussions that might follow. Just when I was about to commit the act, I heard her voice.

"Sayaka…"

I jolted back, scared out of my mind that she had woken up. I looked at her for about thirty seconds, and she showed no signs of being awake. I remember sighing in relief. My heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest. A few minutes later, when I had finally calmed down, I made a simple connection. The way my heart was beating so quickly, the dream I had, what I had tried to do… it all led to one conclusion.

I had fallen for her.

At first, I didn't understand it. How was it possible? Up until then, I had been sure I was straight. I was in love with Kyousuke, right? There's no way I could fall for anyone else, let alone someone like Kyouko. Even after several months, I still didn't understand it. But even still, I couldn't deny the fact that I loved her. The feelings only got stronger with each passing day.

I was jolted back to the present by Kyouko tightening our embrace. "Say something…" she said, her voice sounding pained. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Why?" I whispered. "Why don't you cry?"

"What…?"

"Why don't you cry when I hurt you?!"

She tensed, pulling back so I could see her shocked face. "What do you…? Oh…"

A smile of self-loathing marred her features, and her face fell to the ground, bangs covering her eyes. She began to laugh softly, though she wasn't laughing out of amusement. She was laughing out of spite for herself. "So, how long have you known?" she asked me, her voice not the least bit shaky. She seemed strangely calm, as if she already knew what I had to say.

_She thinks I don't love her… she thinks I still love Kyousuke. Why doesn't she get it?_

I decided to calm down and answer her truthfully, no matter what she asked. "Yeah… I've known for a long time. More than a year, probably," I told her quietly.

I could see her shake, and I knew that she was about to break down. Finally, I saw a solitary tear fall from her eyes, which were still concealed by her long, red bangs. Then another… and another… until there were tears constantly streaming down her face. "Then… why did you do this? Coming over so often, knowing how I felt. Knowing you were just hurting me this whole time! Why?!"

She looked up, and I could see a raging storm of different emotions flaring in her teary eyes. It broke my heart, but I knew that I had to make it worse before I made it better.

"I didn't know how much it was hurting you until today," I said sadly. "I'm sorry."

"Oh? You're _sorry_ for playing with my feelings for months on end?!" Kyouko shouted, grabbing my shoulders and shaking them. "Do you have any idea what it's like when the person you love is so close to you, but you can never reach out to them? Never tell them how you really feel, just 'cause you know for sure that you'll just get rejected?"

She looked down once more, letting go of my shoulders. She whispered three simple words, words that shattered my heart into a million pieces. "Leave me alone…"

At this point, I knew that I wouldn't be able to fix things yet. I needed to give her time and space, and I knew that. But still… I felt absolutely horrible.

"I understand…" I whispered in reply, getting up to leave. I turned around, facing her one last time. "I hope you'll eventually be able to forgive me."

With that, I walked out of her house, tears trying their best to escape from my eyes. Once I was far enough away, I let them fall, then broke into a run. I ran until I couldn't run anymore. When I finally came to a stop, I found myself at a familiar park.

"How ironic…" I said dryly, hanging my head. "This park is where we…" I couldn't finish my thought. The pain was too much to bear.

"Sayaka-chan!" someone shouted. I heard a familiar set of footsteps coming towards me. I turned to face Madoka, watching as she gasped when she saw my tear-stained face. "Sayaka-chan! Are you okay?"

I didn't respond, simply because I was finding it harder and harder to hear her. Soon enough, my body hit the ground like a ton of bricks, having collapsed from running too hard for too long.

Everything faded into black.

* * *

When I woke up, I found myself in a messy room, under the covers of a soft, comfortable, familiar bed. I sat up, immediately collapsing back onto the bed when I felt an immense, throbbing pain in my head.

_Where am I…? How did I get here…?_ I drowsily thought as I looked around. Then, when I looked over to my left and found a familiar nightstand, my eyes laid themselves upon a picture. In the picture were me and Kyouko, eating one of the first meals I made at her house. I then realized that the only copy of that picture was located in…

_Kyouko's room?! Why am I here?! I thought… I thought that…_

I tried to sit up once more, but my massive headache prevented me from becoming vertical before I fell back to the bed. "Ow!"

I heard footsteps coming towards the room, and soon enough, the door opened, revealing Kyouko. She looked at me for a little while, then left the room. I heard her rummaging through the kitchen, and then the sound of her filling something up in the sink. About a minute later, she came back, holding a cup of water in one hand and some kind of pill in the other. She walked over and set them on the nightstand, then walked back to the doorway. She said one thing before she left.

"That's a painkiller. It'll help you with the headache."

With that, she left the room.

I sat up enough to lean on the bed, then grabbed the glass of water. I took a swig and held it in my mouth, setting the cup down and grabbing the pill. I put the pill in my mouth, then swallowed the water along with it.

After about five minutes, I began to grow drowsy. I said three simple words before I fell asleep.

"Please… forgive me…"

When I woke up, the headache was gone. I sat up, looking around Kyouko's room. I found Kyouko sitting in a chair in the corner in the room, breathing softly. I slowly got up out of bed, walking over to her sleeping form. I bent down to her level, calling her name.

"Kyouko…"

She slowly looked up, and I saw her tear-stained face. She must have figured out that I knew she had been crying, so she brought her right hand up to wipe her eyes. When she brought it down, she looked much better, with a weak smile on her face.

"Idiot… you made me worry," she said softly, blushing slightly as she did so. "Madoka brought you over to my place after she saw you pass out. I told you that you were gonna get sick from being outside so late last night."

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "But… Kyouko, we need to talk."

She put her hands up, closing her eyes tightly. "Not now. I'm not ready yet. I'll let you know when I'm ready… so please, don't say anything yet. I can't handle being rejected right now."

_She still doesn't get it? But… well, I guess it makes sense. I'll have to tell her when she's ready. I have to tell her… that her feelings aren't unrequited._

"I understand," I said gently. "But will you still let me come over to your place in the mean time?"

She smiled brightly, all traces of sorrow gone. "Of course! How else will I get my meals?"

I sighed in relief, an amused smile playing at my lips. Looking into her eyes, my grin widened. "Well then, I need to get dinner on, huh?"

* * *

Three weeks. That's how long it had been since our little talk. She still refrained from discussing it, so I never pushed it. I didn't want to push too hard, for fear that she might kick me out.

Kyouko had been more honest with her feelings ever since the incident. She didn't hold back when she wanted to say something nice, and she started blushing whenever I said something… suggestive. At least it meant that she still loved me.

I was jolted out of my thoughts by the sound of thunder in the sky. I looked up, seeing that several storm clouds hovered above the city, all looking as if they were desperate to let their watery contents fall to the ground.

"I'd better hurry!" I said, gripping my shopping bag tighter and beginning to run.

I had just bought groceries for Kyouko's place, since she had run out after I made her a meal yesterday. I had called Kyouko earlier today, telling her that I would be late. I didn't tell her why, though. After all, I didn't want to ruin the surprise of what I had bought from the store.

When I finally got to her house, I unlocked the door with the spare key she gave me. I walked inside, heading straight for the kitchen. "Kyouko! I'm here!" I shouted, setting the bag of groceries down and taking the contents out. I then put them away one at a time, wanting to talk to Kyouko before making her meal.

I walked out of the kitchen, looking around for Kyouko. I went to her room first, finding her fast asleep on her bed. There was a trail of drool on her face that led down to her pillow, which she was clinging to for dear life.

_Must be having a nightmare,_ I thought sadly as I watched her. I walked over to her, sitting beside her sleeping form. Raising my hand to her forehead, I was just about to brush some stray hair out of her eyes when I heard her whisper something in a desperate tone.

"Sayaka… I'm sorry…"

"Sorry for what?" I queried, not noticing I said it aloud until I saw Kyouko stir. My hand flew back so as to avoid embarrassment if she were to wake up right then. I could feel my face grow hot, and I knew that I undoubtedly looked akin to a human tomato.

Her eyes slowly fluttered open, and soon after, she turned to me. Her eyes looked a little dull at first, showing that she was still half-asleep. When she finally registered that I was sitting right in front of her, she sat up straight, looking away to avoid eye contact. A light pink color dusted her cheeks, making me inwardly squeal at how cute she looked.

"How long have you been watching me?" Kyouko asked bluntly still looking away.

"Only about thirty seconds," I said nonchalantly. "I got here about five minutes ago."

She looked around, her eyes resting on the clock next to her nightstand. I looked over at it as well, noting that the time was about five-thirty. When I looked back at Kyouko, she had a quizzical expression on her face.

"I thought you would be here later," she said, though it sounded almost like a question.

"Why would you think that?" I queried.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that that Kyousuke guy was released from the hospital today, right? Wasn't he going to give you a special performance?"

"Kyouko, you moron," I said, an amused smile playing at my lips. "He was released three days ago. I told him that I couldn't come to his special performance because I had a family crisis."

"But weren't you—"

"Lying? Yeah. But still, I didn't want to make you wait on me."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Kyouko said, giving me an incredulous expression. "Why would you just blow off the person you love?"

"I wouldn't."

The look on her face changed from shock to confusion. "What do you…?"

"I wouldn't do that to the person I love," I told her, smiling softly. "That's why I didn't go. I didn't want to blow _you_ off."

* * *

**Authors' Note:**

**Okay, I know I said this was only a two-shot, but I didn't want to take any longer to get this out. There will be one more part!**

**I'm not sure whether to put the next part in Sayaka's POV again or not, but I'm leaning more towards putting it in Kyouko's. I guess you guys will just have to wait and see!**

**And again, I'm sorry for taking so long. Not only did I take forever, but I also extended the chapter count? You guys must hate me****…**

**Well, there really isn't much more to say. I guess I'll finish this off with the disclaimer.**

**I don't own Puella Magi Madoka Magica or anything I use from it.**

**Until we meet again!**


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